My Best Friend's Wedding! Why didn't I go?

Since February I have been so excited about my friend's wedding. We studied together for 3 years in college. I used to share everything with her. We even discussed in a value education class about how our husbands should turn out to be- (of course it was an exercise given by ma'am, we were not so jobless otherwise). She, another friend and I even went for a movie which was so memorable and it is considered to be the first time I entered a cinema theater to spend quality time with friends.  

To describe my friend-benevolence, kindness, sweetness, sensitive, reserved, patient, cheery but occasionally moody and very talented. She taught me to be brave, boosted my confidence and her enthusiasm was so contagious. She was our class leader and her waves struck the stone like hearts of every individual. Most important she had many priceless qualities that I didn't have and even now I am struggling hard to develop them. 

During working days she used to mingle with all our classmates so well but the strange fact is that during the holidays she is never available. She has so many blog sites in which she displays and proudly shows off her artistic talents. She is busy sculpting herself and prepares herself for something extra during holiday season. 

Due to the fact that I consider myself to be her close friend, I had many expectations with her. I had been impatient, short tempered and quite rude at times which she had pointed out at various instances. I had irritated her many a time. She said once to me," Education is no use for you! What is the point of getting educated when you don't even know simple things." Only I was capable of bringing out the worst in her.  The fact is she was never frank about her feelings. Her face would be burning with irritation and when I ask her she would say, "Nothing, Nothing!". Of course I used to keep prodding her and endlessly be hanging around for replies. In absolute pressure, she would open out her feelings sometimes.

Now comes the main part. Why didn't I go for the wedding? Even though I had told her many times I would attend, I just stayed back. There were many reasons for it. One I was tired cause I had done some strenuous work that day. Of course thats a minor excuse. The major reason is that I felt it is a much better option to just stay at home and pray for the success of her wedding and for the new life she is going to begin. Apart from Faith, Prayers and good wishes too move mountains. If I had been present at her wedding, the gala atmosphere, the noise, the people would have prevented me from concentrating on my prayers. I would keep thinking about that and would even forget to pray. Besides I just couldn't think of a gift for buying her. Everything seemed to be just too small and trivial to be given to her. She deserves much more than impermanent material objects. 

I don't know yet whether she is angry with me. If she is, I hope this post calms and cools her down. I also hope that one day she realizes that there is someone far away, in a distant land praying for her good health and prosperity.